It's been awhile since I have been here. Being employed has a way of sucking out the life in you.
A few weeks ago I turned 40 and then 6 days later my world came crumbling around me. I can't sit here and say that it wasn't something I didn't expect but sometimes even knowing what the possible outcome is doesn't prepare you for the impact.
As a child you always fantasize about your parent's love story, they make you believe in the happily ever after, at least that is the way it was for me. As I grew older I started to see the imperfections in their relationship but I still held on to the fact that after all the years apart and after all the trials they had faced, they were still together. But I knew of the cracks in their relationship, the signs started to become overwhelming apparent that the fantasy of their love story was just that, a fantasy...
Six days after my 40th, I learned of my father's deceit. I learned of my father's other life. I learned that I had a three year old daughter. My sister searched facebook to put a face with this other family he had, like a sick obsession we read every painful post of this relationship. With each post a little bit of my heart broke until it could break no more. My father had shattered my image of their marriage, of their love, of his love and of our trust.
For over three years my father lied to us and all his lies unfolded with each scroll down the other woman's page. Pictures of my new sister were like a punch in the gut. Without even having to get to the post about the DNA proving she was his, I could see that without a doubt that the little girl was my sister. My heart sunk to the deepest pits of my stomach and suddenly overwhelmed with my emotions. NUMB. Frozen in my seat, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I continued to read more about this life that I had no idea about.
I don't know what the future holds for my family but I know that 40 has set some challenges before me but this time, I am ready to face it. My 30s taught me that even in my darkest moments, I found light and this time, I am going to make my own light. I will not let this break me. I will not let this dictate how this decade will go.
This is 40 and I am ready to conquer whatever challenges before me...
