What happens with silence

For years I told no one about what my grandfather was doing to me.  I can't even tell you when I finally opened up to my sister, who was two and a half years younger than I was. I just know that when I did it devastated me because that was when I learned that I had somehow let her down, I had allowed her to be abused too.  That's what silence does, you see, it enables abusers to continue what they are doing.  But silence wouldn't be an issue if so many things in are lives tell us to be silent.

What do I mean?

Take my family's background for instance.  At a young age we are taught to respect our elders no matter what.  While I like children exhibiting respect to their elders, I think it is important that children be taught to vocalize when an elder is doing wrong.  Sounds like an oxymoron, I know.  One of the things I changed when I had my own children is giving them a voice.  Now it has caused some discourse in my family, but there is a reason why I did this.  I grew up thinking that I could not voice when someone was wrong because I would not be believed or it would not matter what I said.  My grandfather banked on that fact that his grandchildren were so obedient and respectful.  I want my children to know the difference.

So if you see my children, you will know they have strong personalities.  My children, the younger ones especially, will call you out (whether you're a child or adult) when you are in the wrong.  The older ones understand that there is a time or a place.  For example, they will pull me aside and tell me something that happened and we discuss it.  My children know that I will listen to them and that they have a voice and it is okay to use it.  I NEVER want them to feel the need to be silent like I did.

Because I was taught to be silent, I allowed my abuser to abuse me for almost a decade and ended in rape.  I am not giving justifications to why it happened.  I just know that the silence enabled him to keep doing what he did to me and my sisters.  Give yourself and your children a voice.  We can only bring about change by speaking out.